In a couple of weeks I turn 45. Truly middle aged and according to some Gen Z’ers am even ancient and lived through the Great Depression!! Aside from historically inaccurate ribbing, my 40’s have been the most eye opening decade of my life. I no longer subscribe to a version of happiness or success as defined by everyone else around me, I am no longer the people pleaser I used to be and I have been purging my life of things and people that don’t align with my happiness. I am learning to love myself, having been always told I am not good enough, or pretty or any other physical compliment. I’ve always been on the chubbier side and have been made fun of all my life, there is even a small music box that was gifted to me that plays the “Baby Elephant march”. I am older, I have some middle age issues like eye sight issues and so on, but I don’t care. Its been a privilege to grow older and free myself from these ramshackle ideologies of fitting into boxes that someone else who doesn’t get to walk in our shoes gets to define. I have been through a lifetime of crap like everyone else, suffered losses that took me to the depths of depression, I am in therapy still trying to cope from the grief of it all. I am not perfect and I am never going to be even by my own standards and in my 40’s I have truly learned what the pursuit of happiness is actually about. Acceptance that I am enough and have always been. Acceptance that people will always have negative things to say no matter what. Acceptance that everything except your own voice is noise.
We live in a world that has somehow conflated beauty and youth. We have become obsessed with removing wrinkles and laugh lines, never having grey hair, never letting a single part of your body sag, ideal body shape, dress sizes and so on. Why are we trying to erase our badges of honor so quickly? What is so bad about growing older? It is our life, the one where we have created innumerable memories, the one where our bodies have gone through intense stress, perhaps given birth to a few children, perhaps gone through or going through debilitating illness, perhaps you have borne the stress of the zillion curveballs that life throws at you. So instead of celebrating surviving all that, we find ways in which to punish ourselves further by trying to live up to impossible beauty standards. To the people who matter, your wrinkles, your age, your size and shape - DO NOT MATTER.
The thing is I have been deeply entrenched into the pitfalls of that type of thinking over the years and have grappled with my weight and body image. What I have come to realize with age are the things my body has been through, the depth of my journey so far and all the ups and downs of a life lived. This body of mine beat cancer, this body has hiked miles to get to incredible view points, this body has created and lost lives, this body has carried me through some of my toughest moments. So why do I have to hate it - when it has served me well despite everything it has been put through?
The 40 over 40 project is an extension of that feeling - an avenue to celebrate your wins, your journey, and you as you are. When was the last time you did that? When was the last time you considered yourself beautiful? When was the last time someone in your house made it about you and no ‘Mother’s Day’ does not count. A calendar reminder does not count. Women in this age, tend to live between teenage/college going children and aging parents - they juggle all these commitments, do a full time job and also serve as uncredited memory maker in all these lives and yet we fail to include us in those memories. I am asking that as a collective group - we just stop for a moment and pat ourselves on the back.
We are lucky to be living in an age where, more and more women are rediscovering themselves and restarting life in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and blazing their own path for generations to follow. I want to celebrate these women, their accomplishments, the trailblazing, and I want to place them on the pedestal to which they belong. I want to see all women shine, not just the chosen “eye-catching” few. I want to change the rules of what beauty is, because I don’t care if a second person thinks I am, all that matters to me is that I do and I want every woman in the world to feel the same way because it has been the most liberating feeling of all.
If you are someone who just can't see that yet, join me for a photoshoot won't you? So I can show you what I see. Sometimes that experience of seeing yourself through another's eye can be eye opening. Or if you are already like me, come celebrate you with a photoshoot. Create a legacy, no more excuses to celebrate yourself, no guilt! We love celebrating women in their 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's and more!
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